Goodbye, First Love...

By Andi Lopez

The year following your high school graduation will feel exactly like an indie coming-of-age cliché. You and everyone you know will be getting into university, starting full time jobs, traveling and basically trying to cope with this new found freedom. You’ve been in your first serious relationship for at least six months and it feels like the honeymoon phase is never going to end...

Then the rose coloured glasses come off and you feel like your world is falling apart. Your relationship ends and suddenly you have no idea who you are without your significant other.

My first relationship began during the time I was supposed to be discovering myself as a young adult in the “real world”. For a long time I had a very embellished and naive idea of my future. I wanted to skip everything and settle down without knowing what I even wanted. It took me a while to come to terms with it, but this was a major part of why the relationship had to end. Who was I outside of “us”? I was mostly clueless, but I knew one thing: the pressure was on to get my shit together.

Truth be told, I’m a big believer in constant growth. But even if you are constantly growing and improving, it makes it difficult to be secure in yourself if you don’t at least have a solid foundation. You don’t have to be perfect to be in a relationship, but I have learned that you do need to be wholeheartedly secure in your beliefs and standards before you can contribute to a relationship in a healthy manner.

Now, I’m not here to give advice on exactly how to get over your break-up because frankly, everybody deals with things differently and this isn’t Cosmo. But if it’s any consolation, there is no right or wrong way. Do what you need to do as long as you aren’t harming anyone.  

One of the most liberating moments you’ll have after a break-up is when you’re able to look back on it without negative feelings. Instead, you’ll see it as an opportunity to start fresh and really focus on yourself...and mean it. I’m not talking regrettable body mods or fad diets - dig deep and truly discover who you are at your core; your morals and values, your passions.

I started off by saying “yes” to trying new things. I said “yes” to whatever my friends invited me to and not only did this build a stronger foundation for my existing friendships, I’ve also met a lot of new people along the way. People who I never would have met had I been at home prioritising what I was comfortable with.

As someone who struggles with anxiety, it surprised me when I found myself diving into what seemed like social deep ends and gaining a kind of confidence I had not had in a long time, if ever.

Picture yourself as a character in The Sims - you’re a Sim with socialite traits and the diamond above your head is currently yellow. Making good, wholesome memories with your friends and loved ones will always be one hundred times more rewarding than keeping yourself busy in fear of being alone. In fact, after a few weeks of being out of your comfort zone, you may just appreciate the times you are alone more than ever.

About the Author:

My name’s Andi and I’m an aspiring writer from Brisbane. I’m currently dipping my toes in the creative industries, with my main passions being lifestyle and fashion.

Instagram: @andi_lopez